It’s been a month since my first symptoms of Covid. My doctor has declared me a “long-hauler.” This was a group I truly did not want to join.
Long-haulers have been around since the first outbreak in March. They no longer have Covid. They are not infectious. But they retain the symptoms. Their stories are the most heart-breaking of all. After day 75 or 81, no one wants to hear about your sickness, your fatigue, the symptoms that roll in front of you. Many of your colleagues, family members, and/or friends either don’t believe you, think you are “gold-bricking” or worse, crazy, and just want to move on.
All of my symptoms remain, except the fever, which blessedly stopped two days ago. I still can’t eat. I can’t write with a pen. I make stupid mistakes, even copying an address on a Christmas card. My brain doesn’t work well. I am endlessly cold. I am also angry.
Yesterday, I took my first step on this road. I tried to stay up all day. I fixed my bowl of Cheerios. I did the dishes. I made the bed. It took four hours. I can go for a little bit, but then must stop. Just stop, right in the middle. I didn’t make it up the whole day.
My doctor has asked me to get an antibodies test, for my peace of mind, for my husband’s, for his own. Weeks ago I was desperate to know if I had Covid. Now I don’t care. I know what I know. But tomorrow morning I’ll make the effort to put on “real” clothes, get in the car, go to the lab. My husband and I will stop at McDonald’s for breakfast. I’ll order an egg biscuit, even if I can’t eat it, just to hold it in my hand.
6 thoughts on “Long Road of a Long-hauler”
So hard. Sending support. Hope you take a turn for the better.
Frieda: Thanks for reading. And thanks for your support. I write to let others know how strange this disease is, that it doesn’t necessarily follow the CDC guidelines, and that doctors need to listen to their patients. Mine does, but he’s one in a million.
You know you have my heartfelt understanding, Candice. It’s awful to feel like there’s no one who can make things better and it is taking soooo loooong. Everything about this disease is unfair but you long-haulers are battling so much all at once. Keep us informed, even if the progress is small. We DO care.
Vicki: I went to get my antibodies test today. While we were out, we went to Lowe’s to get bird seed. You wouldn’t believe how slow I walk, but it felt good to be out of the house. And then FIVE men in camou breeze in without masks! I couldn’t move any faster, but I yelled, “Hey! Where are your damn masks!” My husband was horrified. I didn’t give a rip. I asked a clerk why no one stopped them. “We’re not allowed to.” Then why do we have a state-mandated mask ruling if the stores ignore it? When we got out to the car, I saw two more men come out: one with a mask, the younger without. I was so ANGRY. Their attitude says, I don’t care about you. You got sick? Tough.
Hey Candice! I just read your update.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
Yes, this is very real, though you don’t need me to say that.
My state worked hard to get down to zero cases. But we’re still on tenterhooks every time there’s a flare up in another state.
I wish I could do something that was helpful.
Candice, I’m just reading this, and I’m so sorry. I hope by now you’re feeling better. Sending Xs and Os.
Dionna