Once, a girl read a lot of books and wrote stories and drew pictures and
wanted to be a writer. At fifteen, the same age as Sleeping Beauty when she
pricked her finger on the hidden spindle, this girl decided to write children’s
books. She told her mother she needed a typewriter to be a better secretary
(her mother’s prophesy was that her daughter would need a real job when/in
case her daughter’s husband walked out, leaving her with two kids and no
money). The girl bought a manual typewriter from Montgomery Ward for the
princely sum of $119.
That summer she wrote her first children’s novel, “The Mystery of Miller’s
Forks.” She had a Persian cat named Boogers who lay on her desk. Some-
times the girl’s fingers flew so fast, she hit the return and grabbed the cat’s
tail at the same time, a flurry of fur and papers. At night, she read children’s
books from the library. She loved her future so much she couldn’t wait for it.
When school started, she mailed her mystery novel to Harper & Row.
Months passed. The girl wondered what was taking so long. A thorny post
office strike was delaying her acceptance and check! In December, her
original story came back with tire tracks on the envelope. The Harper &
Row editors thought her book was so bad, they ran a car over it.
But the girl had another idea. She wrote a picture book called “Seymour
and the Christmas Toys” and illustrated it with green, red, and blue ink
pens. Off “Seymour” went to Albert Whitman. Back “Seymour” came flying.
Still, the girl was not daunted. She would become a writer of children’s
books. Even when she couldn’t go to college. Even when she became a
secretary (surly but efficient). She just knew her dream would come true.
It did.
Now that girl–me–is 70 years old, a crone by fairy tale standards. I’ve
published 175 books for children (HarperCollins published The Big Green
Pocketbook, still in print after 30 years; and Albert Whitman co-published
18 of my Boxcar Children books). After 40 years working in the field of
children’s books, plus 10 years learning the craft, I feel surrounded by a
thorny hedge.
It began in November 2020 with my first bout of Covid. As a long-hauler,
I worked hard to get my life back, piece by piece. I regained dexterity in my
fingers by putting together children’s puzzles. I walked in our cul-de-sac with
a trekking pole. I bought a girl’s cruiser bike and taught myself to ride to
improve my balance. I was terrible! If I saw a car coming 50 blocks away, I
threw the bike and myself into the ditch!
After that came my second round of Covid (vaxxed, boosted, and masked),
as devastating as the first. Long-hauling worsened, but finally ended Decem-
ber 2021. 2022 brought no relief with my sister’s returning cancer (I was one
of her caregivers), my hospitalization two days after her death in September,
my husband’s fall in December, followed by three months helping him walk
again. Weeks of driving to daily appointments. Weeks of throwing rotisserie
chicken and Bob Evans mashed potatoes on the supper table. Weeks of
ignoring the house (months, really).
During these years, I worked on a novel. The novel of my heart, a fairy tale
about two sisters. I loved every minute I was in this fictional setting and hoped
one day children would want to find this place. The novel gave me something
to hang onto as I lurched from one bad thing to another. I hoped it would save
my sister. It didn’t.
The book was acquired. I finished the sixth draft (total from late 2021) the
day before my cardiac ablation. The procedure was no walk in the park. I was
led to believe I’d be back at work–house, yard, writing–on the third day. It’s
been two and a half weeks and I still have trouble putting one foot in front of
the other. I have mild pericarditis, inflammation around the heart lining, which
causes fatigue, shortness of breath, headaches, and chills. I feel I’ve been a
carthorse these past two and a half years, plodding every single day.
Last night, just before I went to sleep, I remembered that girl who so loved
the field of children’s books. How I long to have her enthusiasm again, the
kind of joy I experienced at the beginning as a writer. I have ideas but I
shove them away due to lack of energy and confidence. I still want to con-
tribute to the field I’ve devoted my life to.
I just need to find a way through the thorns.
6 thoughts on “Trying to Find My Way Out”
Hello Candice,
Waaaay back in the 80s I picked up your novel “Thirteen” from Hoys 5&10 in Stone Harbor, NJ, to read on the way back home to PA. I finished it by the time we pulled into the driveway and squealed with delight when I saw there were others in the series. I’ve kept those books with me through several moves and they still sit on my bookshelf: waterlogged, torn, stained. I still find myself quoting from them and I’ll be 50 in a couple weeks. (“On me like a duck on a June bug” is one of my favorites.) I never found another author that understood what it meant to be a teen and trying to navigate through school and the dreaded popular crowd.
I’ll be eager to read the book about the sisters.
I hope your health and luck gets better.
A Kobie Roberts fan! I’m so delighted to hear from you! Those books, I can tell people now, were highly autobiographical. In fact, when I finished writing “Thirteen” I wondered why my mother didn’t leave me by the side of the road. I had the oddness of growing up as an only child until age 10, but before that my older sister kept me in line before she left home. I wrote a trilogy about those years, called the Sister Trilogy, similar to the Kobie books: My Sister the Meanie, My Sister the Traitor, and My Sister the Creep. You can find them on used book sites. The new book will be a while coming out and is very different. Thanks for your kind words!
Candice – You are a force of nature and so dear to me. You have so many more stories to share, so I hope you get through this harsh time soon and find light/inspiration/will to keep on sharing. I’m sending you strength and love, dear friend. All my love, e
We are both a force of nature, trying to carve a life for ourselves in a field we both love dearly, that saved us when we were young, and still is, even though things in the industry are very different. You adjust more quickly than I do. Because you’re always so optimistic. I love having dinner with you at that Mexican restaurant this summer. I’ll see you next summer!
Dear Candice,
I have been privileged to know you for thirty years and have always been impressed by your brilliance, your work ethic, your sense of humor—your courage. I don’t think you have lost your passion for your art, it is just muted a little bit right now. You are tired, but will bounce back like you always do. You are a fighter. When that fairy tale book about two sisters is published I’m sure your sister will be smiling down from heaven. You will be smiling too.
Well, that fairy tale book about two sisters is so changed, she won’t know it. I wrote it for her, but in the end, it’s not for her. Still, I gave her a lot of books about her and our childhood and those she knew about!